How To Keep Your Identity When You Mom So Hard
At some point in motherhood you will find yourself sitting in 2 day old pajamas, eating puffs, and engrossed in a child show, while a baby sucks away your life force and a toddler yells at you to wipe their butt. Or maybe that's just me. I have found myself in that place many times, and while I absolutely love the humbling experience of motherhood, I was really starting to lose "me". Some advice I've gotten is to still spend alone time on myself, to get dressed and ready every day, and to just say no to all the extras in life. While this is great advice, it just aint happening in this house. My husband works, a lot, so I want to see him when he's home not dump the kids and run, and speaking of my kids, they are appropriately attached at the hip to me; we have a lot of appointments and playdates, and there are never enough hours in the day for the right amount asleep, let alone a shower and makeup routine. Still, I had to do something to find "me" time even when its 24/7 "we" time. I made it my goal this year to follow the good advice of spending more time on myself, without actually having to be by myself. Here is what I'm doing and how it's working so far. Enjoy!
Meditate
I used to love to do yoga. I went to classes all the time and practiced at home. It's been a long time since I've done any; prenatal yoga was the last class I took. What I miss most is meditating. I've always found it calming and clarifying. When I told someone about my resolution this year to spend more time on myself they suggested meditation and I knew it was meant to be.
I've started off with only 5-10 minutes a day. Usually right when I get out of the shower or when I put the babe down for his nap. By only doing 5 minutes it fits into my routine but is still enough time to give me that deep spiritual grounding.
The results have been so gratifying. With only a few minutes of meditation I feel so much more at ease about the day. I have also gotten a lot better at the flow of the day. By clearing my mind I am able to focus on what truly needs to be accomplished that day and think about what my family needs of me for the day. If you can't do anything else at least try incorporating this into your routine. I spend a few minutes clearing my mind by listening to my heart and breath and then I focus on the day and set my intentions.
Eat What You Want
Hear me out! Do I like to eat chips and cookies? Yes, but what do I WANT to eat? I want to eat to nourish my body and soul. I want healthy food that tastes good. We eat okay around here but I've spent too much time worrying about if my toddler or husband will like what I'm cooking and not enough time preparing the nourishing food we all love.
So I've stopped giving into the littles whine for cereal and I've stopped asking my husband what he wants me to make for dinner. Now I buy the groceries I want and prepare the meals that I want and it's a three T form for everyone else.
You know what? Everyone is happier. My toddler is perfectly content eating apples and olives and my husband is perfectly content with any food at all because FOOD. It was an unnecessary burden I was putting on myself to try and please everyone when they didn't even need it. It sounds silly but by picking this as my "selfish" thing our whole family is healthier. If cooking sounds like down right torture then pick something else as your 'do what you want' thing and do it!
Do A Creative Enterprise
I think it's very important to be your true self. While it may be difficult to maintain an adult hobby with wee ones, it is very attainable to do a creative outlet. Writing, crafting, creating, whatever it is that you like to do, find a way to put your stamp on something, whether you share it with the world or not. I like to write and I like to cook, thus this blog. This is my creative thing I do and I do it with honesty. I like to cuss on here sometimes, and I like to take shitty pictures with my iPhone and pretend I'm a food photographer. I always hope people like it, or find it funny or useful, but I really just do it because I like to.
I've carved out a little time here or there to write. Once the kids are in the land of nod, if I'm not running around like an Olympic track athlete doing dishes and working my side job, then I sit down and think about my inspirations and write.
Although I don't get to post as often as I would like I am still really happy with what I have made time for. I look for inspiration throughout the day while I'm with my kids and then write about it at night.
As a mom I know sometimes we give all to our kids and family. We put ourselves in the backseat and that's okay for a little while. What I have found though, is that when I get in a rut the whole family does. It is important to hold onto some semblance of your old self as the whole motherhood thing turns you into a new and greater person. It's okay to lose yourself in family sometimes but by having a few things in your life that are just for you, you can be MOM and be YOU.
